I came to live with my Gram and Grampy when I was just eight months old. My parents brought my two sisters and me to live at a Christian home for girls in Manchester, NH on Sept 5, 1967. My sister Lisa was two, and my oldest sister, Robyn, was four. We lived at Boylston Home for Girls until I was seven years old.
Gram and Grampy had retired as directors and houseparents the year I turned seven, as well, so there were many changes happening at once. My parents had willingly left us at the home, so they still retained their rights all those years. My mother had moved to D.C., and my father married my stepmother and lived locally. I wouldn’t have recognized my birth mother if I'd seen her on the street, and my father would visit sporadically. Toward the end of our time at the home, he was back in our lives consistently with his new wife, which wasn't necessarily a good thing.
I desperately missed Gram and Grampy when they left! I believe the memory of them leaving at night to move away was the first time I had ever felt a “broken heart” within me. I looked out the window and cried, saying their names over and over again. When I was found in the music room, I said I was crying because our dog, Benji, wasn’t feeling well. There are just some times when the truth of our hurt is too precious to share with anyone.
Life changed, and new houseparents came to live at the home with all us girls. We weren’t used to them, and they weren’t used to us. I believe they really tried, but patience often ran thin with all there was to do. Instead of smooth, happy days, we had new rules, and the house hiccupped along with stops and starts, moody silences and occasional angry outbursts. It seemed like we were all just trying to make it through the day.
A short time later, my father appeared at the home late at night to take my sisters and I away “forever” as he put it. A wonderful man, who was on the Board of Directors at the time drove over to try to stop my father, but there was nothing he could do. I was extremely frightened of my father through the years, anyway, but that night I just prayed and hoped we wouldn’t have to go with him. We girls were eventually loaded into the car, and my father and stepmother sped away with us.
We drove for what seemed a long time. My sisters and I sat in silence, not daring to speak. Suddenly, my father turned off the main road and into a parking lot I recognized. It was the new home of Gram and Grampy! They were waiting for us at the top of the stairs! It had seemed like forever since I had seen them, but they welcomed us girls in with open arms! I was a tiny seven year old, and Grampy scooped my up into his arms, like he had always done. We were home!
That wasn’t the end of the story, by far, but it was a night of hope, reunification and rest like I hadn’t known for a long time. My sisters and I were content. Whatever the next days would bring didn’t matter at that moment in time.
Three exhausted little girls were eventually put to bed. The nightlight glowed softly, and I could see a poster hanging on the opposite wall. It had a picture of a blond toddler child touching a fluffy yellow baby chick, with a caption that said, “The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.”
I’ve never forgotten that poster all these years. I drifted off to sleep focusing on the image and the words. I was home, and I felt like that little child in a warm meadow with flowers all around. I was at peace.
Gram and Grampy could have turned us away that night. They could have said, “Look, we’re in our sixties and we’re retired. We did our work for the Lord, and now it’s our time to do what we want.” They didn’t, and they never ceased to hold out a welcoming hand to anyone in need. Gram still desires to reach out to anyone who could use a word of encouragement or an uplifting verse.
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.
At night, Gram and I pray together. Gram’s prayers always include thanksgiving to the Lord for all His gifts and prayers for loved ones and friends. I kiss her on the head as we say good-night, and I tell her I love her. I remind her that she always told us girls, “Love is for keeps”. I want her to know I remember her words. If I have any compassion inside me, it was due to Gram’s love and direction, which was possible because she allowed the Lord to work through her life and her words.
James 3:17, 18
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy, and the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
I thank a merciful and loving Father for making something beautiful out of something tragic. We had the blessing of being left in the care of a couple who had the wisdom and the gentleness written of in the book of James. Gram and Grampy’s small, ‘good deeds’ made a profound change in the world around them.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Follow Me
During the course of conversation last night, Gram said, “If I’m wrong, forgive me. If I’m right, follow me." Wow. I'm not sure I would ever dare to tell someone to act like me!
Gram said that we need to lead no only by words, but by example, as well. I mulled this over as she continued by telling me that it’s not wrong to ask someone to follow your lead if you are right with God. That’s a bold undertaking, but the Bible clearly backs this up. The Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:9 – Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace will be with you.
As I was seeking advice regarding this blog from my (Florida) pastor, he sent a verse to me after reading the first few posts…Titus 2:3-5 "The aged women, likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed". The Bible has many verses that tell us to be examples for other people to follow.
One of the most poignant and greatest examples I can think of, which my Gram and Grampy gave me when I was an adolescent, was on forgiveness. This forgiveness was so complete and pure, it could only come from lives touched by the hand of God.
We were traveling, and I’m not sure exactly where we were, but we stopped at a graveyard after church. We came to a stop and we all got out of the car. I followed Grampy to a little flat stone in the ground, where he silently knelt down and began to use his car keys to dig the moss out of the embedded name and date. The name on the grave marker became apparent, and said, “Roger Earl”. We all stayed very quiet and didn’t say much in the car afterward. Somehow I understood that this was a time of reflection. I knew their first baby had died, and I knew this was his grave, but I didn’t know any more than that.
At some point later in the week, I asked Gram how Roger had died. Whenever Gram had talked of Roger before, she had said he was a strong baby, and she was amazed at how he could wiggle his way up to her chest as a newborn right in the hospital.
Back in the days when Roger was born, hospitals had the swinging “saloon style” doors between rooms and hallways. A nurse had been carrying him "football style" with his head in her hand, with the rest of his body on her arm, up to her elbow. She kicked the swinging door ahead of her with her foot, meaning to continue on through the doorway, but the door had come back to hit Roger in the head, causing him to fall out of her arms and onto the hard hospital floor.
Baby Roger lived – for a while. Gram and Grampy brought him home, and Grampy would walk miles to get him medicine as Gram cared for Roger and prayed for him without ceasing. Gram had told me that there was a point when she knew he was about to die, so she picked him up and cradled him in her arms as he breathed his last breaths. After he had passed, she laid him in the little wooden casket, which was already in her living room. I marveled that, back in those days, life was so matter-of-fact that a young, first time mother could care for her dying baby, yet already be prepared with a casket for him at the same time. In this day and age, we would probably say that would be too much to bear. It probably was, but it had to be done.
Gram and Grampy’s experience was tragic, for sure, but that’s not the end of the story. Gram went on to say that the nurse who had dropped Roger was so guilt-ridden that she couldn’t face them. She ended up with severe psychiatric problems for being responsible for the death of the baby of her dear young pastor and his wife. Grampy went to visit this nurse, and read scripture and prayed with her and for her. She was in their prayers daily. I was never told whether this woman could ever be whole again, but I was, and am, amazed at the compassion and love poured out to her by Gram and Grampy. As a young Christian couple, they held this nurse up in prayer, visiting her and praying with her - the same woman whose actions had cost them the life of their first-born son!
All my life, I loved to sit and listen to Grampy preach. Often, there was a question and answer time after the sermon or in Sunday School. Frequently, someone would ask whether babies went to heaven. Grampy would emphatically answer, “Yes!”. He would always refer to King David, who would not eat or drink, and laid on the earth and prayed for his little baby for seven days while the child was sick and dying. When David’s baby had died, he arose from the earth, cleaned himself up, worshipped and ate. His servants asked him why he fasted and wept while the baby was alive, but when the child died, David got up and ate. David said, “While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether God will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return unto me (II Samuel 12:22, 23).
How precious and deeply personal that passage must have been to Grampy! He always quoted those verses with such conviction and passion! He knew he would go to his baby son someday. What a reunion it must have been on November 26, 1995 when Grampy went home to be with the Lord on a Sunday just before morning services began here on earth!
As Gram said last night, “If I’m wrong, forgive me. If I’m right, follow me.”
We can all learn a lesson on forgiveness from a young pastor and his wife who clung to the promises of their Lord during the darkest moments in life. Not only did they continue to serve God, they went on to offer love and forgiveness to someone who was suffocating from the guilt and grief of a mistake that would cost her pastor the life of his only child!
Jesus asked the Father to forgive those who took His life at the cross. Jesus, God's only begotten Son. His example is worth following!
Gram said that we need to lead no only by words, but by example, as well. I mulled this over as she continued by telling me that it’s not wrong to ask someone to follow your lead if you are right with God. That’s a bold undertaking, but the Bible clearly backs this up. The Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:9 – Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace will be with you.
As I was seeking advice regarding this blog from my (Florida) pastor, he sent a verse to me after reading the first few posts…Titus 2:3-5 "The aged women, likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed". The Bible has many verses that tell us to be examples for other people to follow.
One of the most poignant and greatest examples I can think of, which my Gram and Grampy gave me when I was an adolescent, was on forgiveness. This forgiveness was so complete and pure, it could only come from lives touched by the hand of God.
We were traveling, and I’m not sure exactly where we were, but we stopped at a graveyard after church. We came to a stop and we all got out of the car. I followed Grampy to a little flat stone in the ground, where he silently knelt down and began to use his car keys to dig the moss out of the embedded name and date. The name on the grave marker became apparent, and said, “Roger Earl”. We all stayed very quiet and didn’t say much in the car afterward. Somehow I understood that this was a time of reflection. I knew their first baby had died, and I knew this was his grave, but I didn’t know any more than that.
At some point later in the week, I asked Gram how Roger had died. Whenever Gram had talked of Roger before, she had said he was a strong baby, and she was amazed at how he could wiggle his way up to her chest as a newborn right in the hospital.
Back in the days when Roger was born, hospitals had the swinging “saloon style” doors between rooms and hallways. A nurse had been carrying him "football style" with his head in her hand, with the rest of his body on her arm, up to her elbow. She kicked the swinging door ahead of her with her foot, meaning to continue on through the doorway, but the door had come back to hit Roger in the head, causing him to fall out of her arms and onto the hard hospital floor.
Baby Roger lived – for a while. Gram and Grampy brought him home, and Grampy would walk miles to get him medicine as Gram cared for Roger and prayed for him without ceasing. Gram had told me that there was a point when she knew he was about to die, so she picked him up and cradled him in her arms as he breathed his last breaths. After he had passed, she laid him in the little wooden casket, which was already in her living room. I marveled that, back in those days, life was so matter-of-fact that a young, first time mother could care for her dying baby, yet already be prepared with a casket for him at the same time. In this day and age, we would probably say that would be too much to bear. It probably was, but it had to be done.
Gram and Grampy’s experience was tragic, for sure, but that’s not the end of the story. Gram went on to say that the nurse who had dropped Roger was so guilt-ridden that she couldn’t face them. She ended up with severe psychiatric problems for being responsible for the death of the baby of her dear young pastor and his wife. Grampy went to visit this nurse, and read scripture and prayed with her and for her. She was in their prayers daily. I was never told whether this woman could ever be whole again, but I was, and am, amazed at the compassion and love poured out to her by Gram and Grampy. As a young Christian couple, they held this nurse up in prayer, visiting her and praying with her - the same woman whose actions had cost them the life of their first-born son!
All my life, I loved to sit and listen to Grampy preach. Often, there was a question and answer time after the sermon or in Sunday School. Frequently, someone would ask whether babies went to heaven. Grampy would emphatically answer, “Yes!”. He would always refer to King David, who would not eat or drink, and laid on the earth and prayed for his little baby for seven days while the child was sick and dying. When David’s baby had died, he arose from the earth, cleaned himself up, worshipped and ate. His servants asked him why he fasted and wept while the baby was alive, but when the child died, David got up and ate. David said, “While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether God will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return unto me (II Samuel 12:22, 23).
How precious and deeply personal that passage must have been to Grampy! He always quoted those verses with such conviction and passion! He knew he would go to his baby son someday. What a reunion it must have been on November 26, 1995 when Grampy went home to be with the Lord on a Sunday just before morning services began here on earth!
As Gram said last night, “If I’m wrong, forgive me. If I’m right, follow me.”
We can all learn a lesson on forgiveness from a young pastor and his wife who clung to the promises of their Lord during the darkest moments in life. Not only did they continue to serve God, they went on to offer love and forgiveness to someone who was suffocating from the guilt and grief of a mistake that would cost her pastor the life of his only child!
Jesus asked the Father to forgive those who took His life at the cross. Jesus, God's only begotten Son. His example is worth following!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Great is Thy Faithfulness!
Gram and I were talking about a verse in the book of James, which talks about the Father of Lights. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning”. James 1:17
Gram likes this verse because it portrays the Heavenly Father as the Father of lights – He gives off light and yet, there is no shadow. Noontime is the only time of day when there is no shadow because the sun is directly above us. The Father of lights has no variableness – no wavering or movement - He is directly above us, brighter than the sun at noontime, not far ahead or way behind, and he casts no shadow of turning. Our Father, the giver of good and perfect gifts is illuminating, steady, gracious and dependable. God is light, and there is no darkness in Him.
Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Eph 5:8 also says, “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: Walk as children of light.” God is light and we who are His children are to walk as children of light.
I, personally, don’t like being in the dark. I never have. It’s not that I am afraid of the dark – just the things I can’t see in the dark! I find it so comforting that God is light, and we can walk in the light, as children of light. Jesus is the light of the world. I do know that I do not ever need to fear darkness because God’s light is so much more powerful than darkness. If even a candle is lit in a dark room, it illuminates the room. If we are in a brightly lit room, and a shadow is cast, or there is an effort to darken the room somehow, all light would need to be removed from that room in order for the darkness to be effective. Light is pure and brightens all it shines on. Darkness has to depend on the absence of light to make any difference at all. What a comforting thought – that we are children of light, and a ‘little bit’ of shining brings about a lot of illumination! Why would we ever fear letting our little light shine? It is a good reminder that God, through us, can make an enormous difference in the people and situations surrounding us, if we will only “Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine”!
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father! There is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not: As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see; all I have needed Thy hand hath provided – Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Gram likes this verse because it portrays the Heavenly Father as the Father of lights – He gives off light and yet, there is no shadow. Noontime is the only time of day when there is no shadow because the sun is directly above us. The Father of lights has no variableness – no wavering or movement - He is directly above us, brighter than the sun at noontime, not far ahead or way behind, and he casts no shadow of turning. Our Father, the giver of good and perfect gifts is illuminating, steady, gracious and dependable. God is light, and there is no darkness in Him.
Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Eph 5:8 also says, “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: Walk as children of light.” God is light and we who are His children are to walk as children of light.
I, personally, don’t like being in the dark. I never have. It’s not that I am afraid of the dark – just the things I can’t see in the dark! I find it so comforting that God is light, and we can walk in the light, as children of light. Jesus is the light of the world. I do know that I do not ever need to fear darkness because God’s light is so much more powerful than darkness. If even a candle is lit in a dark room, it illuminates the room. If we are in a brightly lit room, and a shadow is cast, or there is an effort to darken the room somehow, all light would need to be removed from that room in order for the darkness to be effective. Light is pure and brightens all it shines on. Darkness has to depend on the absence of light to make any difference at all. What a comforting thought – that we are children of light, and a ‘little bit’ of shining brings about a lot of illumination! Why would we ever fear letting our little light shine? It is a good reminder that God, through us, can make an enormous difference in the people and situations surrounding us, if we will only “Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine”!
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father! There is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not: As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see; all I have needed Thy hand hath provided – Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
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